Clue(less).

Sometimes, the world of sports collides with the world of gaming.
Sometimes, the world of gaming collides with alcohol.
When the latter two mix, greatness occurs.

Got some alcohol kicking around and nothing to do with it? Don't get mad. Don't get mean. Sports intern's got your back. Either create a new game and go forth on your own fantastic journey... or use the rules to this one that was collectively invented by sports intern and a group of friends. Enjoy.

"Clueless"

General Rules.

- The board game Clue is needed, and normal rules to that game apply. Up to six people can play. There are various cards containing weapons, characters, and rooms. At the start of the game, one of each of these items is secretly chosen and placed into an envelope. None of the participants know what is in that envelope. The object of the game is to correctly guess the three cards that are there... accusing a person ("Mrs. White..."), choosing a weapon ("with the revolver..."), and guessing a location ("...in the library.") If you need more instruction from here on the actual rules, consult the instruction manual. Clearly, you've had a neglected childhood if you've never played Clue.
- Prior to the game, each person gets a drink of their choice. Also, one empty cup goes in the middle of the game board, ala 'Kings'.
- Each person picks a character from the start, and plays as that character during the game.

Drinking.

- If you roll the die and are able to hop from room to room in one turn without getting stuck in the hall, you get penalized for being too good. Drink.
- If someone, on their turn, suggests your character as the murderer and drags you into the room with them, you drink.
- If, on your turn, you make a suggestion, and the person immediately to your left (as rules dictate) can not provide you with either the person, weapon, or room you asked for... drink. Continue doing so for each successive person that can't help you.
- If, at any point, you knock over an upright-standing game piece, (either a weapon or a character), you're clumsy. Take a drink.
- If you roll the die or move out of turn, you drink. Pay attention, Einstein.
- If you knock over the middle cup, pick it up, drink the equivelant to whatever was in it, and then refill it with some sort of alcohol. Clean up that mess you made, too.

- If 3 or more people enter the same room, it's a social. (Three's a crowd rule). Everyone drinks.

- If you roll a '1' on the die, you're a loser for doing so. Pour some of your drink into the middle cup.
- If you enter one of the corner rooms, pour into the middle cup. Just because.
- If you use the 'secret passage ways' in the corners to go from room to room... pour into the middle cup and drink... cause that's just lazy.

The Accusation.

- If a player feels that they know the correct suspect, weapon, and location in the middle envelope, then they may make a 'final accusation' on their turn, as rules dictate. Out loud, they state their final accusation, "Colonel Mustard! With the rope! In the study!", and look in the envelope to see if they are correct. They must not let other players know the cards in the envelope. If said person finds that they are wrong in their accusation, they automatically lose... and they have to drink the middle cup. Game continues until someone gets it right.
- If the accusation made is correct, then the game is over, and the player who made the accusation is the winner. Still, the middle cup has to be consumed by someone. So, whoever's character was inside the envelope... (the murderer)... they drink the cup. (This is the best rule of all, of course, because no one can dictate whether or not their character ends up in the envelope at the beginnning of the game).


...mix a little alcohol with good friends and a stupid idea... and you've got one hell of a game. Enjoy. (Hooray, responsibility!)


- sports intern.

And Remember... Next Friday is Hawaiian Shirt Day...

The First "Official" Blog: A Running Diary of Sports Intern's Last (Fri)day at the Station.

12:00 PM. My first task? To cover the World Cup and log the game. The first of many times I hear "City of Blinding Lights" via an ESPN promo. How much is Bono getting paid to put his face all over this year's World Cup? Furthermore, is the World as sick of Bono as I am?

12:21 PM. To my surprise, I'm not bored by this game. In fact, after three quick goals between the two teams, I'm thoroughly entertained. This is much better then game 1 of the NBA Finals last night. Which begs the question: if Shaq put on a soccer uniform, would I watch more soccer? I think the answer is yes.

12:23 PM. More World Cup fun. Trying to pronounce player's names is almost impossible. For added difficulty, I suppose you could do it with a mouthful of peanut butter.

12:24 PM. I got one of the names. Gonzalez. G-O-N-Z-A-L-E-Z. He plays for Costa Rica, and I can pronounce his name.

12:39 PM. Benefit of being a sports intern? While searching for vintage Pedro Martinez Red Sox footage in preparation for the upcoming Mets vs Sox series, I stumble across a gold mine of raw post-game celebrations. The highlight came from the 2003 ALDS vs Oakland. As Peter Gammons stands quietly in a hallway leading to the locker room, waiting for the victorious Sox to arrive, the silence is quickly interrupted by a rowdy Pedro Martinez in a "cowboy up" t-shirt, running through the hall screaming: "YANNNNKKEEEEESSSSS!!!" David Ortiz quickly gives chase, screaming: "Oh, shit! Oh, shit!" The camera slowly pans back to Gammons, who has had the crap scared out of him by the sudden appearance of Pedro and Papi. The look on Gammons' face is excellent. He looks like an old man who forgot to look both ways before crossing the street... then almost got hit by a car. Priceless.

12:40 PM. A message labeled "urgent" just popped on my screen via the station email system. I open it up, curious. The message simply reads: "The ice cream truck is here." ...we get free ice cream on Fridays.

12:45 PM. Someone really needs to do a sitcom about what goes on in a news station's sports department.

12:46 PM. Nevermind. I just remembered that's been done. It was called "Sports Night," and I'm pretty sure it got canceled. Still, I liked that show. Wonder if it's available on DVD.

12:51 PM. An interesting aspect of the World Cup, as explained to me by a fellow sports intern: apparently, there is never a stoppage of play in soccer. The play clock just keeps going once it starts. So, at the end of a 45 minute half, the refs add "injury" time to the game to compensate for any perceived time they missed out on while the clock was still running. No wonder I never got into this game. I trust my game clocks to be run by computers only.

12:52 PM. ESPN is using their "NFL Live" set to cover the FIFA World Cup, and this is bothering me a little bit. I don't know why. By the way, who are these analysts? Julie Foudy? What happened to that girl who took her shirt off a couple of years ago during the women's World Cup? Couldn't we have broken her out for this occasion?

12:54 PM. Brandy Chastain. That was her name.

12:56 PM. Pretend insta-poll: funnier commercials. Guinness? or Burger King?

12:57 PM. The Adidas commercial where the two kids pick all the pro players to play soccer kind of reminds me of the "Homer at the Bat" Simpsons episode. So classic.

(Ken Griffey's Gro-tesquely swolen jaaaawww!)
(Steve Sax and his run-in with the laawwwww!)

12:59 PM. Number of people I've heard say the words "ice cream truck" so far today? ...five.

1:01 PM. Why did Hyundai of all companies decide to sponsor the World Cup Halftime report? Is this simply because of the alliteration coincidence between "Hyundai" and "Halftime"? If so, the Honda car company totally dropped the ball on this one.

1:35 PM. Funny exchange I just eavesdropped on.
Weather Lady: "I did a terrible job today."
Random News Intern: "You were fine."
Weather Lady: "I said intermittently! Who says that winds are blowing intermittently???"
Random News Intern: (silence).
Weather Lady: "I'm going to get some ice cream from the ice cream truck."

1:46 PM. After logging a number of different classic Pedro moments, I realize that I miss him desperately. Interesting side note: Pedro's Mets press conference is followed up direcly on the news file tape with footage of Suddam Hussein being captured. I'm not lieing.

1:58 PM. I sense a bit of chemistry between this Wylanda guy and Fowdy. By the way, apparently Fowdy is a former US women's team captain. I still think it would've been cool to get Brandy Chastain.

1:59 PM. Point of note. A lot of cute female interns work over in the news department. Sadly, few of them ever travel over to the sports department. Why is this?

3:01 PM. Back to soccer after a bit of editing. According to the guy on ESPN, the average German drinks 300 pints of beer a year. Germany is also apparently the World's leading producer of sausage. I congratulate ESPN on doing the best job possible to try and make me forget that I'm actually watching soccer.

3:02 PM. Just saw a World Cup promo that wasn't narrated by Bono. What gives? Did they cut his paychecks already?

3:41 PM. Finished editing my first news-ready, legit interview... with none other than... Chris Smith, of the AA Portland SeaDogs. I hadn't heard of him either. The World Cup announcers are becoming more ammusing as the games go on. One says "it's a bit of a nailbiter, isn't it?!?" in an extreme Irish accent. Meanwhile, ESPN's cameras cut to a shot of one of the coaches literally biting their nails. This is good TV.

3:43 PM. It's official. Announcers with thick Irish accents officially kick the ass of announcers without thick Irish accents. Honestly, can we get these guys to announce the NBA Finals? I like Hubie Brown, but come on. These guys rock.

3:45 PM. The most intriguing story line of Ecuador vs Poland, to me, is the goaltender for Ecuador. He's using eyeblack, only the eyeblack isn't black. Instead, it's multicolored, and he's using it as facepaint, so that he has little mini Ecuador flags under each of his eyes. Really now. Is this supposed to be intimidating? Did you just come back from a carnival? I hope he brought balloon animals for the rest of the team.

3:48 PM. Done with the first half of Ecuador vs Poland. This means I've officially watched three halfs of soccer. On to the Hyundai Halftime Report!

3:50 PM. Jim Leyritz, former Yankee player, is admitting to having taken amphetamines, according to ESPN.com. Daryl Strawberry is reported as having asked: "why didn't I think of that?"

3:59 PM. Just had a little exchange with the sports boss:
Sports Boss: "So we're gonna get that feed from Fenway..."
Sports Intern: "ok."
Sports Boss: "So if you want... you know... you could... edit it?"
Sports Intern: "...sure."
...that was like asking the hottest girl in school to prom. It didn't have to be that difficult.

4:05 PM. ESPN's soccer announcers excitedly announce the score. "Poland - Nil! Ecuador - One!" They're playcalling is totally making this worth it for me. Really, who says "nil"?

4:07 PM. Updated approximation of the number of times I've heard the words "ice cream truck" today? ...twenty-three.

4:08 PM. A great exchange between the soccer announcers:
Announcer 1: "Did you know, Tommy, the first oil well was drilled by a 'Pole'?"
Tommy: "Funny, I thought it was drilled by a bit!"
...this was followed by seconds of continuous Irish chuckle. All they really need is a rimshot at the end. Currently, I'm imagining 'Tommy's' appearance as something like a mix between Jerry Remy and the Lucky Charms leprechaun. This imagery alone is making the game fantastic.

4:11 PM. As Sports Anchor strolls into the station, I attempt to talk to him.
Sports Intern: "How's the weather out there? Still raining?"
Sports Anchor: "NICE! Ehhh... (inaudible mumbling)..."
...amazing how incoherent he is off camera. That response didn't even make sense.

4:20 PM. Sports Employee: "If this game gets rained out tonight, you think we'll get a triple-header tomorrow?"

4:33 PM. At some point when I wasn't paying attention, Ecuador has taken a lead. Sports Anchor feels the need to comment.
Sports Anchor: "This is very disturbing."
Sports Intern: "What are you talking about?"
Sports Anchor: "Poland! That's what."
Sports Intern: "What's wrong with Ecuador?"
Sports Anchor: "Come on. It's Ecuador."
Sports Intern: "And Poland's any better?"
Sports Anchor: "As an intern, you wouldn't understand."

4:45 PM. Got to help with last minute preps for the 5pm sports update. Maybe after that, I'll go to get some ice cream from the ice cream truck. In the words of Stuart Scott, hugs and hand-pounds, everyone. Man, do I hate Stuart Scott.

- sports intern.

You've Got Questions. I've Got Stupid Answers.

Welcome to the mind of a sports intern.

There are many oddities in the sports world and life that deserve a nonsensical opinion to accompany them. This is where I step in. Recently hired as a sports intern at a local news station, I see and hear many things that deserve to be written about. What hypothetical questions can I answer for you? For starters...

- Is Hazel Mae allowed to do a NESN Sports Desk broadcast without wearing a low-cut shirt?
- Can Tim McCarver actually pronounce his own name?
- Would it really be that bad of an idea for Isiah Thomas to take over as commissioner of the WNBA?
- Is the Boston Herald run by monkeys?
- If Shaquille O'Neal shot one hundred free throws in a row, would he make more than half? More importantly, would he airball less then 20?
- Will Gilbert Gottfried's greatest roll forever be known as the voice of the "Aflac Duck"?

This is the start of an entertaining, yet bizarre, written outlook on sports and life. Proceed with caution.

- Sports Intern.